my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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