Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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