I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
