He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
