in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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