Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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