yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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