This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
