If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
