well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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