he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
