I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
