wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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