If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
