Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
