what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do herpes really smell.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Please don't give away my fajitas
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
