I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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