sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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