Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
