did you get engaged???
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
