She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
