You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
