Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
