Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
