Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
