He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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