he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
