Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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