I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
