I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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