Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
