i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
