Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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