I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
