Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
