hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
