I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
