I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
