miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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