The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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