Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
