You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You need Xanax blowdarts
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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