Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He felt like a one man threesome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
