fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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