I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
