I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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