The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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