I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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