I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
