so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
