butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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