Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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