Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
