It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
