I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
