ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
