i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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