could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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