Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
