So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
