That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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