Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it fun? or sober?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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