i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
