god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
