He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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