All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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