What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
