Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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