well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
