youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
