and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
