So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
