I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
