Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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