After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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