so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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