I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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