So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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