Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
