god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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